CONSUMER AND COVENANT TYPES OF MARRIAGE
Marriage is a deeply personal and significant institution that many view through a partisan lens, as it is often influenced by religious or semi-religious convictions about human life and its meaning. John Witte Jr., a major legal scholar at Emory University and an expert in the history of marriage law, asserts that all views of marriage are rooted in these fundamental beliefs. Whether one supports lenient or stringent divorce laws, these views stem from underlying convictions about human nature, rights, and societal roles, which are inherently non-scientific and quasi-religious.
In contemporary society, the
viability and desirability of marriage are increasingly questioned. A generation
ago, 75% of American adults were married; today, this figure has declined to
50%. In this context, the Christian perspective on marriage offers valuable
insights. This discussion will explore the essence of marriage, its mission,
and its underlying principles, drawing on the Christian viewpoint.
Contrary to the notion that marriage
is merely a legal formality, the Christian perspective emphasizes that its
essence lies in a long-term, binding commitment, epitomized by a covenant. This
commitment is more than a transient feeling of passion; it is a deliberate,
enduring promise.
There are two types of
relationships: consumer and covenant. A consumer relationship, such as the one
with a grocer, lasts as long as the needs of the individual are met. In
contrast, a covenant relationship, like that between a parent and a child,
prioritizes the relationship itself over individual needs. Marriage, according
to Christian belief, should be a covenant relationship, providing a stable foundation
for vulnerability and intimacy. This commitment, symbolized by a legal
contract, creates a secure environment where partners can reveal their true
selves without fear of abandonment.
The concept of a marriage covenant
is counterintuitive to many contemporary people who view marriage as an
expression of passion. However, the long-term binding commitment actually
enhances intimacy and stability. Research shows that many marriages deemed unhappy
can become happy if the partners remain committed through difficult times. This
stability allows for personal growth and the deepening of the relationship.
Marriage vows are not expressions of
current feelings but promises of future actions. They represent a commitment to
love, serve, and remain faithful regardless of future circumstances. This
discipline of making and keeping promises is crucial for personal freedom.
Without it, individuals become slaves to their impulses and circumstances.
Philosopher Lewis Smedes highlights that making a promise allows individuals to
rise above their past conditioning and create a future based on deliberate
choices.
The
Mission of Marriage
The Christian view of marriage is
not centered on romance or financial convenience but on deep character change
through deep friendship. Many people today seek a perfectly compatible
soulmate, someone who will accept them as they are without demanding change.
This quest is problematic because no one is truly compatible from the outset.
Everyone enters marriage with flaws and selfish tendencies.
Marriage acts like a "gem
tumbler," knocking off the rough edges of each partner through
constructive conflict. The primary challenge of marriage is learning to love
and care for the person who, over time, becomes different from the one you
initially married. Stanley Hauerwas of Duke University famously stated that you
always marry the wrong person because everyone changes over time.
Embracing the inevitability of
change and conflict is crucial. The Christian approach suggests that
individuals should not look for a perfect partner but for someone who shows
potential for growth. This perspective encourages partners to see each other
not only as they are but as they could become, supporting each other in their
development.
The
Secret of Marriage
The secret to a successful marriage
lies in the ability to love one's spouse even during times when they are not
reciprocating love. There will be periods when a partner is preoccupied with
personal issues and unable to provide much emotional support. During these
times, it is vital to continue showing love and commitment.
This concept is similar to the
unconditional love parents often show their children. Despite the lack of
reciprocation, parents continue to give and support their children, which
deepens their bond over time. In marriage, however, partners often respond to a
lack of love by withholding love themselves, leading to a gradual erosion of
the relationship.
To sustain a loving relationship, couples
need a source of love that transcends their immediate circumstances. Christian
teachings suggest that this source can be found in God's love, which empowers
individuals to give love even when they receive little in return.
Conclusion
The Christian perspective on
marriage provides a profound understanding of its essence, mission, and
secrets. It emphasizes a long-term commitment that fosters intimacy, stability,
and personal growth. By viewing marriage as a covenant relationship and
embracing the inevitability of change and conflict, couples can build a strong
and enduring bond. The ability to love selflessly, even during challenging
times, is the key to a successful marriage. This perspective offers valuable
insights for navigating the complexities of modern relationships and
underscores the enduring relevance of the Christian view of marriage.
Comments
Post a Comment